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Practicing the Relational Safety Zone

When I began learning how to drive—the time best known as my mother’s most frustrating point as a parent–I learned all the necessary rules of the road. I learned to keep 100 feet of distance between my vehicle and cars in front of me. I learned to always use my indicator before switching lanes, and I learned the importance of safety zones. For those who need a refresher: safety zones are designated areas on the roadway that traffic is prohibited from entering. These zones are designed to keep pedestrians from experiencing unnecessary harm. As I graduated from being a student of the road to an expert driver I grew a fond appreciation for the idea of safety zones, so much that I found a way to implement this practice into my interpersonal relationships.

One of the most frustrating things we can experience when relating to others is ineffective communication and the fear of being misunderstood. I’ve found that much of this comes from a lack of safe environments that promote honest dialogue. When we do not feel we are being heard or can freely express our opinions without devastating consequences, we shrink. And when we shrink we don’t become our best selves. This cycle promotes dysfunction in our ability to relate to others, be it a colleague, friend, family member or romantic partner. This is why we need relational safety zones. The relational safety zone (the safety zone) is a moment when we are able to openly, honestly, and respectfully approach a moment of contention. Relation safety zones are a space where all parties engaged in the dialogue are kept focused on the issue at hand without deviating from moving towards a solution. All information shared in the safety zone stays there. The relation safety zone promotes healthy boundaries.

I first began using the safety zone with my best friend of 14 years. For the sake of sticking with our driving analogy we’ll say that I’m the aggressive driver in our friendship. I’m not shy about expressing myself or confronting conflict. Some would see this as an asset, but when your best friend is a cruise-control type of guy this approach can be overwhelming. Growing in our friendship required making some adjustments that would allow us to feel comfortable becoming ourselves. So, we began entering the safety zone. In our safety zone I learned to ease on the gas. I allowed my best friend to feel comfortable doing more of the talking while I proactively listened and affirmed his concerns and opinions. In exchange he was more forthcoming and willing to communicate. We agreed that the safety zone would always be a place to encourage each other. It would be our area for fostering openness even in the face of confrontation.

Perhaps you’ve been unsuccessful in creating opportunities for your employees to become more vocal about their ideas, or you want to encourage those around you to share their opinions. Implementing the relational safety zone will not only increase communication, but it will also give everyone the space they need to healthily and confidently engage as a valuable member to the team.

Interested in writing for our Guest Blogger series? Email us at lhoward@perkconsulting.net
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Shakirah A. Hill is a writer, speaker, and dreamer. Though she is a New York native, Shakirah currently lives in Washington, D.C. She loves Jesus, pretty clothes and showing the world God’s heart.
You can follow her meanderings on Twitter @ShakirahAdianna or check out her website www.shakirahadianna.com.